Making the Grade:
Writing Vampire Papers
Grades. We all work for them, and all want to believe that
without any effort on our own part, we will earn high grades in every field we
endeavor to enter. Unfortunately, for most of us, it takes practice, practice,
practice, AND … work
So what is the hidden code that makes one student paper an
“A” paper while the next student paper – for a student who has written from the
exact same prompt – garners only the dreaded “C,” and the student learns their
work is really only av…er…a ge?
The answer really isn’t effort since a “C” student often
works longer and harder than the “A” student. They just haven’t learned, yet,
how to write to the instructor’s unwritten expectations. And often, sadly,
refuse to actually read the damn texts which would teach them the specific
skills they need, and inform them of the specific expectations. Not even if the
material was written by the instructor of the course they are in, and can be
expected to have relevant samples.
That said (rant ended), what exactly makes one response an A
response and another a D response?
Let’s take a look at one of my assignments, worth four
points towards a total of 190.
Write a short, think around 200 words – one paragraph -- convincing
me you have indeed watched 30 Days of
Night. Be detailed, AND remember to
mention director and film title.
Inasmuch as I tell my students exactly what garners an F:
they get a list of issues, let’s work upwards from a D response. (Each student
response is followed by where it has failed. I have fixed some of the typical
grammar issues, and left other common ones.)
****
D Student: I
watched the movie and I really didn’t like it. it was too dark for me to see
what was happening half the time, and my boyfriend kept interrupting me and
telling me it was too dark. I dont know why the people in the town didnt just
leave, after all, there are roads, arne’t there? And why didn’t they fight
back. If a vamire attatcked my house i would fight back. Alaska is cold. I
disliked the movie because it was set there. And I really like vampires who are
nicer to people and who dont go around trying to kill them. “30 days of night’
is a really terrible film because the vampires are mean. The point where the
mean vampire tells the girl that there is no god, made me mad. It made me
afraid to slep in the dark. To repeat myself, I really din’t like the movie.
Why is this bad? Can you come up with a list of mistakes?
Note that it is a combination of badness that garners a “D” grade.
- It focuses solely on the reader and not at all on the film under discussion.
- The word “I” appears seven times in one-hundred thirty-five words. The word “I” in a college-level response is always problematical. “Why?” you ask. Because we want the focus to be on the item under discussion (and are uninterested in discussing you). This is one reason why students should not use first person pronouns – in any form – in their formal responses. The viewer, the reader, people, a person, John Doe are all good alternatives which not only tell your instructor you are focusing outside your own reactions, but it forces you to format your response formally. And anything turned into an instructor for a grade: Formal. Dress it for Prom.
- Capitalization is broken in major ways. “I” is always capital – something taught way back when in elementary school. To lower-case it in a formal paper turned in to an instructor goes beyond rude. It is student grade suicide. First lines always begin with a capital letter – again, student grade suicide.
- There is little internal evidence at all that the movie was actually watched.
- dont? Really? Can’t even see the red-underline and right click to get the correct apostrophe?
- It isn’t long enough – for which this reader would be very, very grateful. Would you want this to go on any longer?
- All too often, a D paper has all sorts of off-topic information. And runs looong.
- The basic sentence structures and punctuations are wonky.
All-together, wouldn’t you be happy this ended? The only
reason this garnered a “D” with points instead of an “F” is the one line which
does contain one small bit of evidence from inside the film, and unmentioned in
most reviews – the “no God” comment.
So that is what the teacher sees when reading the D paper.
While most D papers might not be quite so dreadful, a fair amount of what
crosses my desk looks like it.
