Vampire Paparazzi entry 3

Sometimes a photographer just can't catch a break.

Image design Sandra Ormandy 2012

I waited outside this crypt for days after drilling a small hidden hidey-hole to shoot the picture through. I made certain that there would be no moonlight or starlight bleeding though to alert the vampire to my presence. I stood for hours as twilight approached so that no movement on my part would alert the rising vampire to my presence. Everything was perfect, or as perfect as a human can make it. But I forgot one thing, vampires are faster than the split second it takes my finger to depress the "shoot" button on my camera.

She was really beautiful. You'll just have to take my word for it. Because after all my preparation for this shoot, this is the vampire that got away.

byline L. Ormandy (AKA SweetGoth)
The UnNatural Enquirer

Vampire Paparazzi entry. 2

This is not an area even an ardent vampire hunter like myself would venture after dark. No number of garlic wreaths, crosses, or stakes would make it worthwhile.I like my blood just fine where it is: inside my own skin. Daytime; however. I decided to remind those readers who think the undead life of the vampire nothing but drink, drink, drink that -- as with the living -- that sort of life is reserved for the top 2%.

The poor crypt at right is shared by an unknown number of tenants (and nope, I'm not knocking on that door! even in daylight). It is hidden in the sort of rough neighborhood respectable paparazzi avoid since the Edward Cullen's of the world don't live here. And certainly regular journalists don't knock on this door either since few Pulitzer prizes are given to breaking news about "real" vampires. Even my own newspaper, the "UnNatural Enquirer"  no longer caters to the sort of audience interested in reading of the sad tales of the previously-living. They pay for the tales of the upscale, the well-dressed, the politically powerful, and the beautiful creatures of the night.

This paparazzi would liken this to a beyond death plight. Even the dead have to rest somewhere.

 25 May 2014

byline L. Ormandy (AKA SweetGoth)
The UnNatural Enquirer

Vampire Paparazzi entry 1

 The life of a vampire paparazzi is a dangerous one. What you read here is the first of an occasional series of entries discussing my experiences as a vampire hunter; one armed not with stakes and holy-items, but with a camera. I am not quite certain which my target would prefer, being permanently ended, or being outed to the whole world.

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Sometimes I just can't catch a break. Standing in the cold on a dark night in a lonely cemetery when I could be sitting in the pub tossing a few back with mates, is time I'll never get back. The only thing it does is keep my boss off my neck while I risk my own.

Yes, I knew, or so I thought, what I was getting into when I hired onto this gig. It looked like wine, women, and song -- easy money. I figured what with vampires all over the media they must also be all over the place. I figured all I'd have to do was park outside the blood-bank to catch one making a withdrawal. A point and click moment.

Instead, I spend my nights standing in the doorways of crumbing low-rent crypts waiting to catch a break, and praying to see sunrise.

16 May 2014

byline: L. Ormandy (AKA SweetGoth)
The UnNatural Enquirer